Now Look back nostalgically at....
THE PROGRAMMES
The Foreign Gems:
Silver Spoons
Different Strokes
The Beachcombers
Family Ties
ALF
Grange Hill
Blankety Blank
CHiPS
The Fall Guy
Hart To Hart
Magnum P.I.
The Waltons
Mork & Mindy
TJ Hooker
Wonder Woman
Buck Rogers
MacGuyver
The A Team
Knight Rider
Part three coming soon - The Cartoons!
Brokeback Snake Mountain
Brokeback to the Future
Star Wars - The Empire Brokeback
Interesting to see that Dublin's FM104 radio station is now actively targetting the growing Polish community in the area with the launch of PL104
How long before the rest follow suit?
What is the obsession with people in this country driving with their fog lights on when it's not foggy?
This is one of those things that drives me absolutely loopy. I've just completed a 2-hour car journey and lost count of the amount of people who were driving with their front fogs on. It doesn't make you look any cooler. It doesn't give you that much more light ahead on the road. It does blind the poor misfortunate driver you are probably tailgating. A lot of the time, the bulbs are mis-aligned so are even more blinding.
What really vexes me is that these same people are probably the drivers you pass on the road on a really foggy morning who don't bother turning on their lights at all.
What gets my blood pressure level up even more is those MUPPETS who drive with their rear fog light on. WHY???? Are these people doing it to annoy other people on the road or do they have a complete lack of knowledge about the workings of their own vehicle and do not even realise it is on?
Muppets!
I was searching for a document on my PC earlier and came across this (it's quite big, so will post bits from it in coming days):
Part 1:
Well lads - it's finally here. The one you've been waiting for. A
tribute to the Golden Age of Television in Ireland (c.1978-1988)
TV in Ireland - The Bunny Carr Years
"Saint Vincent de Paul can help people like Gus" (Ould fella with a
beard in a flasher jacket and a pair of sandals. He also had dirty
toenails).
HARP
"The sound of the Curlew" "Sally O'Brien and the Way she might look at ya". Jaysus - she was lovely. It was "so hot you could fry an
egg on the stones out here. If ya had an egg. And you could
certainly sink a pint of Harp....... If ya had a pint of Harp".
HB Vanilla
"There's your Grandad when he was just a bit older than you are now. They used to take me down to Hazelbrook Farm (probably to milk the cows on child labour and provide a bit of slap & tickle on the side for the local farm animals). They gave me a great big bowl of ice cream (well deserved). Straight from the Dairy the Ice Cream
came". "Did it taste as good then?" "The very same. HB Vanilla has an old fashioned quality that NEVER changed".
"Ahhhhh. That's Bass".
Cornetto: Justa one Cornetto, Geev it dto mee, Deeleeshass Ice Cream, Of Italy. Oh daarleeng, Forgeeve me please, O-pen zee door, Throw down zee keys. (She's a leetal upset about sometheeng - but she soon be eating outta my hand).
The Stephen Roche Ads: Remember Stephen Roche (at the heighth of his short lived cycling success) selling Bank accounts. "You can be a winner too. Open a bank of Ireland Account and you get a free signed poster and a reflective arm band". Then he went into an Italian Restaurant and asked for a Galtee Cheese Sandwich. His wife must have been some lazy bitch if he had to go to a restaurant to get a sanger
for his lunch. "Who want a cheese-a sand-a-wich! I give you a cheese-a sand-a-wich!........I give a you the besta Galtee Cheese-a Sand-a-wich you ever tasted!
"Get out o' that saddle Stephen - get outta that saddle son. Just keep those pedals turnin' - and ya have the damn thing won". Poor ould Sean Kelly though. The only thing he ever won was the Tour of Spain and the Nissan Classic . Then in 1988 he had to retire from the Spanish race early 'cos he'd a boil on his arse. God love him. He thought everything was "Super" . (Pronounced Sthooper).
Deoderant Ads:
Hands up - if you use Right Guard, Hands Down - if ya don't.
Insignia's got everything - shampoo to shower gel, deoderant and aftershave - a one all-over smell, So try insignia, Create a buzz not a hum.
Four Seven Eleven, Cool as can be like champagne on your skin.
RADION Washing Powder: "Poo Daddy your shirt smells!"
SHAMPOO:
-Head & Shoulders - I didn't know you had dandruff -I don't (now stop
routing around in my f*ckin' bag ya nosey bitch!)
Wash and Go "Use shampoo AND conditioner? Take TWO bottles into the shower? Put my clothes on after I'm finished? Not me! I just want to wash my hair and go".
"Ya do the Shake N Vac, And put the freshness back, Ya do the Shake N Vac, And put the freshness back. When your carpet smells fresh, Your room does too, So every time you vacuum, Remember what to do...........Ya do the Shake N Vac, And put the freshness back, Ya do the Shake N Vac, And put the freshness back.
The Pretty Polly Ad where the blonde one in the car replaces the fan belt with a nylon stocking.
SOUP ADS:
McDonnells Soup: "If I gave it to my fella he'd be jumpin' 'round the garden - ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!"
McDonnells Slim-A-Soup: "Stir to the left, stir to the right - Now let's taste it...... The creamy rich taste you've been longing for, Fourty calories that taste li-ike mo-ore. Arm up - head back - More! More! More! More! You got it made with McDonnell's slim-a-soup".
Hot Cup: Working on Building a Building Site Get no Suntan just for spite Erin Hot Cup Special Perks you up, Like no other cuppa, no other cuppa, no other cuppa, can!
Cookeen: "Give 'em a lift, Give 'em a lift, Give 'em a lift - mmmmmmm Cook-eeeeeeen" (Any time you took a bite of something baked with Cookeen you'd float up off your chair. I thought I was Superman).
Popular thirst quenchers of the 80's: Um Bongo, Kia Ora, Moonshine, Robinsons Lemon Barley Water, Robinsons Orange Barley Water, Liga C, Complan (for Grannies and pregnant women)
-WHERE'S MY LIGA!!! -Children these days - so demanding.
Bugsy Malone does Easi-Singles: "Easi Singles Slices, With that touch of Class, Individually Wrapped (WRAPPED!) From 'Foist' to Last. 8, 12, 'Twe-enny, There's always Ple-enny. It's Golden Vale, You've got it so, Fill it! Top it! Grill it! Bake it! TAKE it! Take it, Take it. Golden Vale Easi Singes, Eeeeazy.
Chocolate Bars:
The Yorkee ad with the guy in the Truck.
"The Bounty hunters, are here, they're searching for paradise". (Three divers swim out of the sea onto a tropical island, remove their wet suits to reveal three white bikinis and three golden tans. Mmmmm).
"Catch it if you can on the outside it's chocolate, Underneath the chocolate are - Krispies!"
"Cadbury's Wispa. Bite it and believe it". (Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones).
"Rowntrees Lion Bar. Bite it! Crunch it! Chew it!
"When I promised the lads I'd give 'em a lift, I forgot you need petrol in cars, So when I got to the garage and filled 'er up, Then I filled the lads with Mars. A Mars a day, helps you work rest and play
Kit Kat: "It's a biscuit!" "It's a bar!" "It's a biscuit!" "It's a bar!" "It's a biscuit!" "It's a bar!" "It's a biscuit in a bar!" or "Ya can't sing, ya can't play, you look awaful. Snap! Pause. "You'll gow a long wye"
M&M's melt in your mouth not in your hands.
CHIPS ADS:
McCain oven chips: "Take a chip. Hold it up. Give it a pinch. Smile. Pinch another. Lick your lips. Now take a bite. McCAIN!!
CRISP 'N' DRY: Hey - what's today? Thursday! Hope it's a Friday, That's a crisp 'n dry day, any day can be a Friday, when you fry with crisp.... 'n Dry.
Liberty! Equality! Freedom and Choice! And WRANGLER JEANS!!
THE AD FOR THE INTRODUCTION OF THE METRIC SYSTEM: Guy in hardware shop - "Could ya show mae a meethar?" Young fella in corner shop - "Hi. Can I buy a leethar o' lucozade?" Man in maternity ward - "Congratulations. Your wife has given birth to a t'ree kilo dawthar".
How successful that ad was in the implementation of the metric system.
Just the other day my sister gave birth to a 9 pound baby, so we headed down to the pub for a couple of pints and walked about a mile and a half back to the house. I'm 6 foot tall with a 32 inch waist, my car does 30 miles to the gallon and I got a couple of inches taken off my hair last week.
THE NATIONAL SAFETY ADS:
"Where's Grandad?". He's obviously in the f@ckin' river seeing as you left his chair teetering on the edge and the stereo on full blast so he'd have to get up and try and turn it off. Where there's a will there's a way.
"Do you hear Brian?". "Ah yeah - here he is inside this barrel of water. The noisy little bollix. Let's cover the thing over in chicken wire so he'll never get out. That'll shut him up".
The child lying down face first in the paddling pool with his feet hanging out over the edge. "Remember - it's possible to drown in only a few inches of water".
"John - Did ya put the cat out?". Poor ould John. He wasn't too bright at all at all. Not only did he let his cigar fall onto the cushion and then onto the carpet, he also let the television overheat and had to pour a vase of water into it (could have been electrocuted - but that's a different ad altogether). He didn't think to put the spark guard on the fire (feckin' eejit - sure everyone knows to put the spark guard on), he didn't close all the doors before he went to bed, he forgot (AGAIN) to put the fookin' cat out, and last but not least - he married that fat lazy ould bitch "Maura" and let her walk all over him. The first nineties man.
Electricity: The guy who got electrocuted by his drill 'cos he plugged the wires directly into the sockets in the wall without a plug. Then the poor arsehole who tried to save him and got killed when he touched him. The kid who climbed up a pylon
to retrieve his frizbee.
"Ooh me Achin' Back!"
Hearing Protection: The guy who didn't wear hearing protection at work. When he went down to the pub to listen to a comedian and all he could hear was a squeaky mumble. (I personally used to find the squeaky mumble quite funny myself. I thought it was part of the comedy).
Physical Fitness: How about the poor fat oul' cow who just wasn't quite "fit enough to be in time to catch that bus". I always thought she wore too much make up. It made her look cheap. You didn't have to be super fit like "The Carrolls and the Treacys" though. You just had to be able to catch that bus.
"Oh me Achin' Back!"
Water Safety: The family at the beach who did just about everything wrong. They didn't wait an hour before going swimming, they went into the water with tyres and lie-lows and they didn't wear suncream. Admittedly suncream's a bit of waste of money when you go to the beach in Ireland but Irish people have been known to lie out all day in attempt to get burnt even when the sky is black and it's pissing rain.
Rabies: "Rabies Kills. Agonisingly!" (Followed by a picture of a guy in a hospital bed with a big gash in his arm and saliva all around his mouth. He personified being killed agonisingly). Always inform the local authorities "if you see a dog being smuggled in or coming ashore illegally.
Vigilance!
Will keep rabies....
Out of Ireland!"
The nightie and the number: "IS-148. Sounds like a Robot doesn't it. But if it doesn't have this IS-148 - don't buy it. Otherwise the nightie could go up in smoke - and your child with it". I wonder how many youngfellas in the country tried to put that to the test and managed to set their sisters on fire. That foxy little young one in the ad tried to put it to the test by God . Putting her hairbrush over the fireplace and then playing with a box of matches. "Kids are divils. But sure wouldn't ya die if anythin' happened to them".
THE ROAD SAFETY ADS:
The guy who used to paint the yellow boxes on the road and got pissed off 'cos everybody drove into it and caused a traffic jam.
"Hey! After him!" The 3 boyos cycle along the road like Dublin's answer to the Hell's Angels. A car stops short of flattening one of them. Mike Murphy Speaks: "Where do ya think you're goin'. Have ya no sense. Ya'll get killed if ya keep on cycling like that!" Lucky? Yes this time. Smart? Definitely not. (Safety on your bike ad).
The one where the "experienced" driver spotted the feet of the little girl in the red sandals (mmm) under the parked caravan as she was about to run out onto the road.
Dangerous Parking: The guy with the beard who parked his truck (lurry) on the corner and headed off to bed to read a book. Then he heard a crash outside and threw his book on the floor, tossed back the sheets and ran out to see what happened. "Remember: You don't have to be sitting in your vehicle to cause an accident"
Drunk Driving: The guy in the pub sitting in front of a glass of whiskey. He's about to take a drink when the barman holds up his keys in front of him and warns him of the perils of drinking and driving. He asks him does he really want to take that drink. The punter sees sense and says "See ya later lads. I'm driving!". I wonder how long that pub stayed in business with a barman like that.
"If you don't walk sober................your feet are killing you".
The ad where they compared Drink Driving to loading 2 big red bullets into a shotgun.
The safe cross code. Remember 1. Look for a safe place. 2. Don't hurry - stop and wait. 3. Look all around you and listen before you cross the road Remember. 4. Let all the traffic past you. 5. Then walking straight accross you. 6. Keep watching. That's the safe cross code. That's the safe cross code. KNOW! THE! SAFE! CROSS! CODE! Know the code!
"Too close to da rode. You'll get - ROLLED OVER" (Judge)
"Ya hook around the other car!" (Ever tried it. Bloody dangerous I'll tell ya. God bless roundabouts).
Last - but not least: "Send your money to me. Bunny Carr" (The magnificent television presenter - Bunny Carr)
Not only can you now pray, sing or dance for Jesus...it now seems you can also Wrestle for Jesus
I suppose this is one way of losing weight. How to survive on One Dollar a day
An Impressionist's version of "Torn"
Why is it that two years after the mph to kmph speed limit change over, there are still signs out there in mph?
Tonight while driving I spotted two signs (one in Co. Carlow and one in Co. Kildare) that were in mph. They were those big regtangular luminous yellow signs that tell you there is a change in speed limit ahead. Both warned of 30mph ahead.
We were told at the time that the county councils and NRA were replacing the existing 35,000 signs as well as erecting a further 23,000. There are also still a number of these:
About even though they were supposed to be all replaced by 100kmph signs.
Then again, these are just trivial matters considering that anyone taking their driving test must refer to "The Rules Of The Road" (published 1995) which are still in mph, make no reference to the penalty points system, the new signage around Dublin in relation to the Luas, amongst other things.
The next time you find yourself on a plane, sitting next to someone who
cannot resist chattering to you endlessly,
I urge you to quietly pull your laptop out of your bag, carefully open the screen (ensuring the irritating person next to you can see it), and hit THIS link.
THIS made me Laugh Out Loud:
A girl I used to work with was selling her car and made the mistake of putting a for sale sign and her mobile number on the back window. she got a phone call the next morning which went exactly like this..
Bloke: "Yeah how much are ye sellin it for"
Girl: "six and a half grand"
Man: "I'll give ye two and a half........ and a smack of me cock"
Enforces the stereotype:
This is gross:
20 ways the world might end
I can think of a few more, but here are the 13 photographs that changed the world
Surely there are more? The nine things men masturbate to
This is kinda groovy:
I was visitor number 130407. You can count across and see which colour I added.
Ever wondered what New Year's Eve looked like in panoramic 360 degress? The answer is HERE
I am in morurning and may not be able to post for at least one week.
News Via Damien
"The Lotto is a tax on people who are stupid at maths".
...with thanks to the menu board at my local deli store...panini changes and sayings on a weekly basis!
A mate has just told me that he was charged 137c per litre of petrol at the Statoil on Usher's Quay in Dublin. Is this the most expensive petrol in the land?
Most places near me are charging around 99-101c per litre for both unleaded and diesel, so what makes the petrol that the Statoil are selling so expensive?
He also told me that he didn't see any signs up telling you how much it was. He only discovered the price once he was at the pump and it flashed up the price in front of him.
I've had one of those lazy weekend and have finally managed to catch up on some TV that I've been recording thanks to my fancy new Sky+.
The one show that seems to have been hyped beyond belief is Ugly Betty (showing on both RTE 2 and C4). I managed to watch the first two episodes back-to-back yesterday and still don't know if i liked it or not.
The show is trying to be funny and deliver a social-conscience at the same time. It should just do one or the other.
For some reason too, I kept being reminded of the short-lived series "Oliver Beene" that was on Sky One last year.
Hilda Suarez (Betty's sister) is my fav character so far, but only because she can say 'that bitch' with a certain venom.
It does have Jim from Neighbours in it do. What ever did happen to Mrs. Daniels from that show?
EDIT - it would seem she died in 1999 according to IMDB.
There was a bit of a bomb-shell dropped in the meeja world today when it was leaked that the "Strawberry Alarm Clock" team were on the move from EMAP-owned FM104 to RTE 2FM.
The Strawberries have won several awards for their show and were considered to be right funny feckers by their peers in d'industry. Fair play to them on their move to the national airwaves.
However, it does annoy me, that with the resources it has at its disposal, 2FM couldn't create an original idea for its schedule and instead had to poach. They have been floundering for years trying to find a style and format that suited them. The management have been re-arranging the chairs for at least 5 years now with no gain. They just created more inconsistency and lost more listeners.
2FM has been losing listeners hand over fist. They are supposed to be our 'national yoof station', but instead were trying to be all things to all people. THAT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE! Not since the advent of more choice on the FM band and since the inception of the internet, satellite and iPod.
Radio stations have shaved off listeners from either end of the age brackets - local stations taking the older end and newer youth stations such as Spin and Beat from the younger end.
Today FM have also been very successful in taking listeners from their national competitor.
The new schedule, as reported on hotpress.com, looks interesting. Marty in the morning is gone, but Gerry is still there and Larry's been put out to pasture on the weekends.
06 – 09: The 2FM Alarm Clock with Colm and Jim Jim
09 – 12: The Gerry Ryan Show
12 – 14: Nikki Hayes
14 – 17: Rick O’Shea
17 – 19: The Shift with Will Leahy
19 – 22: Ruth Scott
22 – 00: Damien Farrelly
00 – 02: Dan Hegarty
They've also taken their success story, Will Leahy, from a weekly show onto a daily format. BIG MISTAKE. Will's show on Saturdays is very popular and one of, if not the only, show on 2FM that has consistently gained listeners. Moving him into a 5-day cycle will burn him out. Look what happened to Graham Norton. Very funny guy. Funny show. But only when it was once a week. Put him to saturation point and the ideas run thin and the appeal wains.
Same thing will happen to Will Leahy. Stick to the law practise Will!
If Paddy Powers will give me good odds, I'll be betting on the 2FM schedule changing again by Summer 07.
Now this really annoyed me. Instead of spending tax payers money on something decent like mending a few crater-sized ptholes, the NRA thought it would be a good idea to do a 'study'.
'Studies' are becoming all too common and way too frequent for my liking. You can lump 'expert working groups' and 'task-forces' in there too.
Anyways, it seemed the NRA wanted to find out if motorways were safer than 'older roads'. I kid you not. A first class child could tell you what the answer is.
Reported here - http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/?jp=CWSNMHAUSNOJ
Hello and welcome to my brand new shiny blog.
Still getting to grips with how this whole thing works, but hopefully (within time) I will catch up with the cool kids and be able to display all my musings for the world to ponder over.
I will of course be posting some serious items but mostly a lot of the weird, whacky, funny and disturbing things that I find on the interweb when I should be working.
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